So my tribe consist primarily of my military friends. We all grew up all over the country, and we have been friends for roughly 15 years. When each of us travels back to our childhood homes and meet up with our old friends we are finding that there’s very little connection left.
One of my girlfriends in particular traveled back home to NYC from Atlanta for her birthday weekend this past month. Her best friend from childhood (the only one who she actually kept up with over the years) hosted the event. The plan was to do a paint night, followed by live music at a lounge before calling it a night. Unfortunately, her best friend didn’t brief the group and they showed up expecting to turn all the way up, like they did before my friend moved away 15 years ago. Long story short she felt pressured to drink and club hop and ended up calling a night far sooner than planned.
I have spoken to this friend on several occasions about this particular childhood friend. She calls me and complains about how this friend is giving her hell about her commitment to her marriage, and her unavailability to visit and party among other things, and my question is always, why are you guys still friends?
My girlfriend and her best friend are opposites in every way. My friend is married with children, has a great career, and has traveled the world. Her friend is single, in a dead-end job, and rarely leaves NYC let alone the country. Their only connection are middle and high school memories that occurred what seems to be a lifetime ago, (we all graduated from high school in 2002 so I guess it wasn’t a lifetime but many changes have occurred in this time). Now, this doesn’t mean that my friend is better than her old friend, it just means that their connection is founded on childhood, and should probably be left there. My friend’s idea of fun has changed immensely! She, (as well as I) consider fun painting and wine, traveling and live music at various venues for starters. Picking a place for the two of them to hang out is always a challenge, one that she complains about constantly.
So, I say all of that to say ask yourself, have I outgrown your friends? If so, it’s okay! As we grow and change, so do the people around us, which means we may not always mesh. This is why I always tell people not to marry before 25, (another blog, coming soon). It’s perfectly fine to outgrow old friends and make new ones. Don’t feel obligated to remain friends with someone you don’t share any interest with. If you feel like that individual is a great person who you’d like to keep around, get to know them again, and reintroduce yourself to them as well. You can learn a lot from one another and experience new and great things. But let go of dead relationships, they are pointless.