Family: ‘Out of Town’

I have a lot of sisters. And I do mean a lot. For the most part it’s all love. We don’t all talk to one another each day, but we all love one another and as far as the kids are concerned we unashamedly spoil the hell out of our nieces and nephews! There is however one sister. There’s no other way to say it, SHE’S A USER! I have literally not had a decent conversation with her since 2010….. 7 YEARS AGO. We spoke briefly in 2012, and I do mean brief, and it was very awkward. And why else would any family members have a falling out????? MONEY! She borrowed money and refused to pay it back. To be perfectly honest it was never the money to me, it was always the principle. She borrowed $500 from me and swore she couldn’t afford to return it however she managed to purchase a 300K house, a new Volvo and other lavish items. The last straw for me however is when she stopped speaking to my mother because after sending her over 10K in a year’s time my mom said enough was enough and cut her off. Her daughter then cut her off.

 

Recently, I was in her parts of the country and decided that I should reach out. Seeing as I don’t have her number or address I reached out to one of my little sisters who does and told her that I was near our oldest sister’s house and that I was going to step out on faith and reach out. I then told her to pass her my number, and my husband’s number and let her know that she’s more than welcomed to meet her niece and see how big her nephew has gotten. My sister, being the comedian replied with, “You stepping out on faith with the wrong bitch, but OKAY”.

 

Later that evening my little sister texted me back and said our older sister was out of town, (please see the text traffic below lmao). We both kinda figured that that was untrue, but hey, what can you do????

 

And that’s the point of this post, what can you do? There are going to be so many situation where you’re dealing with family and they drive you absolutely damn crazy. They lie. They accuse. They play victim. The villainize you. Sometimes, they simply decide they do not want to deal with you or your children at all. What do you do??? Look around and take inventory of all the people that you do have for starters! I have sisters whom I love with every breath in my body, but still some how they love me more. I have friends who have become my family. And while ideally you’d love all of your family to be close knit life isn’t perfect.

 

So I hope my sister enjoys being ‘out of town’. I hope she’s happy, successful and loved by all of whom she’s in town for, because though she is missed, me and mines are doing just fine…….

 

 

Look at this shit lmao………

Family BLog Post

 

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Sometimes You Outgrow Your Friends

So my tribe consist primarily of my military friends. We all grew up all over the country, and we have been friends for roughly 15 years. When each of us travels back to our childhood homes and meet up with our old friends we are finding that there’s very little connection left.

 

One of my girlfriends in particular traveled back home to NYC from Atlanta for her birthday weekend this past month. Her best friend from childhood (the only one who she actually kept up with over the years) hosted the event. The plan was to do a paint night, followed by live music at a lounge before calling it a night. Unfortunately, her best friend didn’t brief the group and they showed up expecting to turn all the way up, like they did before my friend moved away 15 years ago. Long story short she felt pressured to drink and club hop and ended up calling a night far sooner than planned.

 

I have spoken to this friend on several occasions about this particular childhood friend. She calls me and complains about how this friend is giving her hell about her commitment to her marriage, and her unavailability to visit and party among other things, and my question is always, why are you guys still friends?

 

My girlfriend and her best friend are opposites in every way. My friend is married with children, has a great career, and has traveled the world. Her friend is single, in a dead-end job, and rarely leaves NYC let alone the country. Their only connection are middle and high school memories that occurred what seems to be a lifetime ago, (we all graduated from high school in 2002 so I guess it wasn’t a lifetime but many changes have occurred in this time). Now, this doesn’t mean that my friend is better than her old friend, it just means that their connection is founded on childhood, and should probably be left there. My friend’s idea of fun has changed immensely! She, (as well as I) consider fun painting and wine, traveling and live music at various venues for starters. Picking a place for the two of them to hang out is always a challenge, one that she complains about constantly.

 

So, I say all of that to say ask yourself, have I outgrown your friends? If so, it’s okay! As we grow and change, so do the people around us, which means we may not always mesh. This is why I always tell people not to marry before 25, (another blog, coming soon). It’s perfectly fine to outgrow old friends and make new ones. Don’t feel obligated to remain friends with someone you don’t share any interest with. If you feel like that individual is a great person who you’d like to keep around, get to know them again, and reintroduce yourself to them as well. You  can learn a lot from one another and experience new and great things. But let go of dead relationships, they are pointless.

 

Outgrowing Friends Blog

Women, friendships, and sisterhood

When I was coming up, and still to this day I would/do often hear women say, “I don’t have female friends, they’re catty and drama”. And though to some extent I would understand what they were saying, because let’s face it, we have all seen it, I know that this isn’t entirely true. What I know more so today than ever before is that, we, as women absolutely need to connect on a personal level with trusted friends of the same gender.

There are things that no one other than another woman is going to understand. There are things that men WILL NOT GET. We need a good friend, a trusted friend who loves us enough to be honest with us, even if that honesty hurts like a bitch! We need someone who will cry for us when we are truly unable to do it for ourselves. And we need someone to share secrets with, and not feel judged because of our mistakes.

These friends are hard to come by, but when you’ve identified them, treat them like they’re worth their weight in gold because I assure they’re more valuable than even that. I have 3 girlfriends like that. Oddly enough we all served in Iraq together, lol. Maybe it takes a war to build the kind of bond that we share, who knows. These ladies are definitely battled tested though, lol! What I do know is combined those three women are the only women on earth who truly know who I am. They know all the ugly about me, and they love me so much. When I cry, they cry, and when I’m down they are down. One of them most recently went through a horrible break up, and I cried for a month because I didn’t know how to help her. Years before she did the same for me.

Though, good girlfriends are hard to find, they are out there. Try to recognize them when you see them so you don’t make the mistake of letting them slip through your fingers. Below is a list of the characteristics of my good girlfriends. My advice? If you have someone in your life who portrays these values, keep them around…..

* Always tells you the truth, even if it isn’t pretty, (one of my girls had to tell me about my husband’s infidelity and was so scared to do it, but knew she had too. She was right and I would have never known otherwise. Living in lies is something I cannot do, and she knew it)

* Encourages you when you doubt your ability to do something

* Holds you accountable (one of my girlfriends never allows me to make excuses when I’ve dropped the ball on anything)

* Willing to go out of their way, just to see you, (my girls and I hop flights and or travel hours by car)

* Never judges you, or throws past mistakes in your face (and they know all of my mistakes lol)

* Holds all of your secrets, even when doing so is difficult

* Loves your children, (one of my friends hates kids but genuinely loves mines simply because they’re mine)

* Knows exactly how to make you feel better when you’re down (this tells you that they actually know and care about you)

This is not all inclusive, this is just some of the qualities I love most about my tribe….

black women friends