Women, friendships, and sisterhood

When I was coming up, and still to this day I would/do often hear women say, “I don’t have female friends, they’re catty and drama”. And though to some extent I would understand what they were saying, because let’s face it, we have all seen it, I know that this isn’t entirely true. What I know more so today than ever before is that, we, as women absolutely need to connect on a personal level with trusted friends of the same gender.

There are things that no one other than another woman is going to understand. There are things that men WILL NOT GET. We need a good friend, a trusted friend who loves us enough to be honest with us, even if that honesty hurts like a bitch! We need someone who will cry for us when we are truly unable to do it for ourselves. And we need someone to share secrets with, and not feel judged because of our mistakes.

These friends are hard to come by, but when you’ve identified them, treat them like they’re worth their weight in gold because I assure they’re more valuable than even that. I have 3 girlfriends like that. Oddly enough we all served in Iraq together, lol. Maybe it takes a war to build the kind of bond that we share, who knows. These ladies are definitely battled tested though, lol! What I do know is combined those three women are the only women on earth who truly know who I am. They know all the ugly about me, and they love me so much. When I cry, they cry, and when I’m down they are down. One of them most recently went through a horrible break up, and I cried for a month because I didn’t know how to help her. Years before she did the same for me.

Though, good girlfriends are hard to find, they are out there. Try to recognize them when you see them so you don’t make the mistake of letting them slip through your fingers. Below is a list of the characteristics of my good girlfriends. My advice? If you have someone in your life who portrays these values, keep them around…..

* Always tells you the truth, even if it isn’t pretty, (one of my girls had to tell me about my husband’s infidelity and was so scared to do it, but knew she had too. She was right and I would have never known otherwise. Living in lies is something I cannot do, and she knew it)

* Encourages you when you doubt your ability to do something

* Holds you accountable (one of my girlfriends never allows me to make excuses when I’ve dropped the ball on anything)

* Willing to go out of their way, just to see you, (my girls and I hop flights and or travel hours by car)

* Never judges you, or throws past mistakes in your face (and they know all of my mistakes lol)

* Holds all of your secrets, even when doing so is difficult

* Loves your children, (one of my friends hates kids but genuinely loves mines simply because they’re mine)

* Knows exactly how to make you feel better when you’re down (this tells you that they actually know and care about you)

This is not all inclusive, this is just some of the qualities I love most about my tribe….

black women friends

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Random Thoughts of a 30 Something Black Girl

This is the post excerpt.

So………. far too often I have so much to say. Some things I feel are important, that could help others. Sometimes what I have to say is just funny as hell but not something that I’d like to say out loud. Sometimes what I have to say is too painful to express to people I know. Other times I am unable to articulate things in a way that it will be received as I would like it to be. These random thoughts, and feelings had to go somewhere, and so this blog was born. This blog will literally cover any and everything that I think and feel and so sometimes it will seem like there is no cohesiveness; be prepared for that if plan to follow.

I am currently 33 years old, and I am married with 2 kids. I find that at this point in my life my thoughts tend to land and focus on how I feel as a black woman in my environment, men and our (women) relationships with them, my relationships with my MANY sisters, and other day-to-day stuff. We’ll see how this goes…….

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